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A Week In 20.12.2022

Ah! What a week it has been in Whilst you pour yourselves a glass of Energon or something equally as cyber, sit back, relax and enjoy the weirdness of the metaverse and all it has to offer lately.

Things No One Asked For #431

By the end of this year, we're already knackered. Yet here we are looking at yet another web3 startup aiming to build a non-blockchain decentralised network. WTF why? They've also just closed around more than $20 million. Ho-Ho-Hello? Who is putting their hands in their pockets for a new style of cryptography that no one actually needs? The startup aims to provide a new internet infrastructure for securing storage and data computation. “Companies and competitors can collaborate without passing on key information.” So what you’re saying is that the current cryptographic system of storage doesn’t need the blockchain to work? Yes, we know, it’s called cryptography: but blockchain simply made this more accessible and inclusive, not insecure. The problem, dear crypto bros, is not the product or the infrastructure, the problem, (can you handle it?) is your ego. Your desire to be some kind of big swinging appendage supersedes the user’s right to ask for what they want - you’re telling us that blockchain is broken. You must be joking. Take your McLaren Supercar and GTFO.

Your Name's Not Down, You're Not Comin' In

It's the end of 2022 and totally the year of the metaverse, but it's kind of obvious to me that, definitely, from an advertising perspective, the whole metaverse thing has gone a little bit crappy - hey, that’s not my words! That’s the words of Billy Huang, who runs a metaverse advertising agency and knows about these things. Ah, what’s in a name, eh? Billy knows. He wants us to close out this Annus Horribilis of Metaverses by focusing on the possibility of rebranding the metaverse. I lolled a bit, but I think that's kind of a cool idea for 2023. I totally agree with what Billy Huang said, but I don’t agree with Brycent, who compares the metaverse to Club Penguin, mate, Club Penguin was waaaaay better than the metaverse can ever be in 2022. What are you on about? Millennials eh? They have the shortest memories. In my opinion, this is simple. Stop bro-ing up your metaverse shills and start building something that I would like, that any teenager would love, and stop creeping us all out with your weird rebrands from Facebook to Meta FFS. A dead space in any media channel is not welcome. We should invite everybody over, but we should invite everybody over to something that is meaningful. The word Metaverse didn't even make it as Oxford English Dictionary word of the year. Goblin Mode did, which is two goddamn words.


At a time where there is abject poverty and a lack of inclusivity worldwide, isn't it refreshing to know that Holoride is inviting people, read bros, to enter their weird ride platform? For €699, apparently this is a “revolution in-car entertainment” feels like it’s the metaverse equivalent of Pinky Gloves, and it's as completely stupid. Here are the facts: 1. It’s a software experience requiring a hardware device to run it. 2. You’re not the driver, you're the passenger (it’s important to point that out) 3. It’s “for all the German little children in a position of wealth and privilege” that’s a direct quote.

Musik, Non-Stop

Warner Music Group has actually been one of the big metaverse movers of 2022. Let’s set the scene: they've got loads of artists worldwide, and they want to be able to find new and interesting opportunities to bring that to the fore. We used to do this back in the day with transmedia and it worked, oh, how it worked. I think it's really fascinating what WMG has planned. So it’s nice to see that they’ve partnered with DressX to bring wearables into their multiverse. That’s nice. To be honest with you, I don't quite get it. I kind of feel that what they've created here is an opportunity to have a bunch of brands in a limited platform. What you should be creating with branding is something that's really interoperable. A brand is something you should be able to take with you. If brands can only exist in places like The Sandbox, but not anywhere else, then we've got a massive problem. Also, and I'm gonna be totally honest with you as somebody that comes from the games industry. The quality of the stuff I see in this article is not that great. Are we saying that the WMG metaverse is akin to Animal Crossing? Because that’s the vibe I’m getting here. Flat 2D items that are aimed at tweens and anime lovers. Not a bad thing, but definitely not interoperable. So I would not really be that interested in augmented reality clothing or anything else in this particular metaverse - give us something open and actually wearable. A little like what we do at Nak3D. What Warner Music Group is doing generally is awesome, but this? Maybe I'm not their demographic.

Top Trumps

First up, I’ve always wanted this headline. I have a B-headline that is something related to farts, but this one will do. Last week, Donald Trump dropped the b-oh never mind. He launched a massive and hilarious NFT collection. This series of collectible cards are maximum Donald: from Super Don to JR Trumping to Chuck Donnis; he’s delivered. He’s delivered everything we wanted from an NFT collection because it is the most ridiculous collection of all time, and it sold out in less than an hour, making The Donald a wondrous $4.5m in sales. He’s trolling us, and we’re loving it, but what’s really going on here? The NFTs have utility, so there is absolutely no room for me to sledge the former POTUS for being a scammer. Quite the opposite, people have bought these cards for utility. From a round of golf to dinner at Mar-A-Lago, there’s something for everyone if that’s your thing. Of course, it’s annoying, it needles any non-Trump lover to the max, but no one, no one, is more annoyed than Ben Shapiro. To be honest, Ben Shapiro getting annoyed actually makes this story even better, because Ben Shapiro (of all people) has suggested that Donald Trump's NFT collection is “painful and cringeworthy”. Ben, mate, how can you say that The Donald has made something painful and cringeworthy when we’ve not only read, but sat through the podcast of a take down of your work?

Sighhhhh. That’s enough Metaverse for this week. Or is it? Whilst I figure out how to put the batteries in this thing why don’t you hang around and pour yourself another glass of something virtual? I’ll be right back!


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